Surrender: A Little Harmless Military Romance Page 8

  With that she went into the bathroom, closing the door. He lay there thinking of her words. She had been a woman who had led a charmed life, the daughter of a general. But she had heartache early in life losing Kyle the way she did. It had broken her in some way, and there was a point he knew her family had been seriously worried about her mental state. Amanda was strong, though, and she pushed through the pain and moved ahead with her life plans. Her friendship with Addison had helped, both of them dealing with grief in different ways, he thought with a smile. Well, they approached it differently but came up with Double A Floral Design. Amanda rearranged her life to work toward the goal, and Addison, well, she let her creative side go crazy. He always wondered what color her hair would be.

  So, live in the moment? He could do it for a while, but not long. He didn’t know what it meant to her, but he was playing for keeps. He knew she might not be ready right now, but he would move her into the direction he wanted.

  She came out of the bathroom with a smile. “Get your ass out of bed, Seal. I need some help cutting up the strawberries.”

  She practically danced out of the room. Slowly, he let his lips curve as the warmth of his happiness filled him. She wanted to learn how to be a sub…although she was pretty good the night before. He was okay with that, moving slowly. Being the man who would give her the first taste of submission was enough for him right now. He would live in the moment, that’s for damned sure.

  Because at the end of the day, all that mattered was that she was with him. For now.

  * * * *

  "So, how are things going with Malachai?" Addy asked.

  Amanda glanced at her friend and wondered how much she should tell her. That she was afraid she was falling in love with the man?

  "That good, huh?"

  Amanda sighed and stabbed a piece of lettuce with her fork. "I'm not sure. It's been a week. And we were both busy most of the time."

  Except the nights. Each night he would come over, tease her, push her to her limits.

  But they hadn't done much talking beyond that. She had been expecting some kind of discussion, something that would tell her where he expected their relationship to go.

  "So, you're not going to dish about what kind of Dom he is?"

  "Do I really have to tell you?"

  "No, but I like the idea of you telling me so I can picture it."

  "Ew. You would picture us having sex? That’s gross."

  "Oh, no. I can imagine him doing it to me."

  "You have a Dom interested in you."

  Now it was Addy’s turn to blush. "I really don't know what you are talking about."

  She tried not to laugh. Addy could hide her feelings from a lot of people but not from Amanda. They had been through too much together for either one of them to be able to mask their true feelings.

  "Really? Well, he seemed very interested in you the other night, and I don't think he did all that stuff for me. He did it to impress you."

  Addy didn't say anything for a second, but Amanda knew better. Her best friend was simmering beneath the surface.

  "Fine, he's attractive, sort of, but seriously, it has nothing to do with me."

  "Yeah, so if I call up that one chick who was eyeing him the other night, you would be okay with that?” she asked with her tongue in her cheek.

  “Sure.” Then Addy frowned. "Wait, what woman?"

  “Some little blonde. The one dressed in fire-engine red.”

  “Well, I don’t care.” Addy sniffed. The prissy tone was so unlike her best friend, Amanda knew she was lying. Amanda was quiet again. It was better to just wait things out with Addy. Her friend was a horrible liar and couldn’t stand anyone lying, let alone herself.

  “Okay, fine. I want him.”

  “Really?” Amanda shook her head. “Hard to tell.”

  Addy sighed. “But he’s not for me. You know how I am about domination.”

  After experiencing it with Mal, Amanda wondered why anyone wouldn’t want to be dominated. She knew they had only brushed the surface, but she had never been this satisfied. From her own reading, there was so much more to learn. Of course, she also knew that not everyone was programed that way. Her need to be dominated was probably as great as Mal’s need to dominate.

  “You don’t know until you try.”

  She made a face. “I’m not sure I could trust him enough.”

  Amanda wanted to argue with her, but she knew better. Besides, what did she know about the man in question? She wasn’t a good judge of character when it came to men. Except for Mal.

  She loved the sex. Any woman with half an ounce of brains would love what he did to her. But there were those other moments…the ones that had her heart turning over. He would look at her a certain way and everything just stopped.

  “Oh God, you got that look again.” Addy shook her head as she shut down her computer for the day.

  “What look?”

  “For the past few days, I’ll see you working on something and then…you just get this goofy look on your face. Admit it. You’re in love.”

  Panic had the air clogging up the back of her throat. “I never said that.”

  “Hey, I call it like I see it, and you are in love.”

  She could lie. It would be easy to do to anyone else but Addy. That not being able to hide anything was a two-way street.

  Amanda sighed. “I don’t want to be in love.”

  Addy studied her for a second as Amanda started to put up her tools.

  “You haven’t told me everything that went on between you and Kyle.”

  She glanced at Addy but said nothing.

  “And I am not going to pry, but whatever it is, you need to let it go.”

  She knew that. More than anything she wanted to be the kind of person who could walk away from the pain of her crappy marriage. If there was a man who would be worth it, it would be Malachai Dupree. But there was still part of her that couldn’t. “I’m not sure I can, and it scares me so much.”

  “Because you can’t let it go, or that you might lose Mal because of it?”

  Even thinking about him gone, of not seeing him on a regular basis, talking to him late at night…it made her hurt.

  “Well, I guess that answers the question.”

  She looked at her friend as pain twisted in her heart. “I just don’t know what to do about it.”

  “You don’t have to figure it out tonight.”

  She nodded even as she felt the tears burn the back of her eyes. Addy pulled Amanda into her arms for a hug.

  “It will all work itself out,” Addy said.

  Amanda pulled back with a laugh and looked at her friend. “And when did you become the person of wise antidotes?”

  “Since you fell in love with a Seal. Let’s go have some sushi at Wegmans.”

  “Sounds good.”

  “I’ll lock up the back door and meet you out front.”

  With a nod, she watched Addy practically skip out the door. Amanda smiled but it faded the moment she thought of Mal. She just hoped that her friend was right, because something was telling her that sooner rather than later, Mal was going to push her. And she hoped she was ready.

  Chapter Nine

  “So, I understand there’s a rumor you might be stuck here for life,” Kade said from the doorway.

  Mal smiled at his brother-in-law. “When did you get back from New Orleans?”

  Mal’s sister Shannon still lived in their home city. It had been tough, but they seemed to be making it work.

  “Last night, late. I called you, but you didn’t pick up.”

  He had been over at Amanda’s of course—as he had every night since that first night.

  “I was busy.”

  “You don’t say. Since I am married to your sister, and I could get smacked for not asking, is it someone I know?”

  “Amanda Forrester.”

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  “You don’t sound surprised.”

  He wal
ked into the office with a smile. “Give me a break, Mal. You’ve been mooning over the woman for months. About time you got together. How did that happen?”

  “She showed up at CP.”

  Kade didn’t say anything for a second, then he grinned. “Well, I’ll be damned. The woman knows you better than any of us. How long has this been going on?”

  “I take it that you’re going to carry tales back to my mama.”

  “You make me sound like some kind of spy for the women in your family.”

  He shrugged. “I call it like I see it.”

  “So, will I get in too much trouble if Mama Dupree finds out?”

  He shook his head. “No, actually, I found a house over by Amanda’s shop.”

  There was a beat of silence. “And?”

  “I figured it would be good, especially if I end up here at the Pentagon.”

  Kade said nothing for a second, which made Mal a little itchy. Kade was rarely quiet with him. “And you haven’t talked to her about it at all?”

  “I have a feeling she isn’t really into the whole idea of marriage. So I thought maybe I could get the house, ease her in. It’ll work.”

  Another beat of silence, then Kade’s mouth opened and shut…twice. “Holy shit, Dupree, you’re scared.”

  That hit too close to home for him. “I am not scared of a woman.”

  “Then you’re not that smart.”

  He gave his friend an annoyed look. “Talking riddles again?”

  “No, just letting you know that when a man says he isn’t scared of a woman, he usually gets his ass handed to him.”

  * * * *

  Mal pulled to a stop and turned off the engine.

  “What do you think?’

  Amanda blinked at the townhouse. She had been so tired from the wedding she had worked on that morning that she hadn’t been paying attention to where he was driving.

  “Of what?”

  “The house. I just signed a lease on it.”

  She glanced around at the neighborhood. It was nice, neat, a little bit of yard. “Oh, isn’t it kind of far from Annapolis?”

  “We’ll talk about it. Let’s take a look.”

  The normally smooth Mal was rushing. She could feel it in the way he was talking, and if she didn’t know better, she would think he was nervous. He stepped out of his car and then rounded the hood. She pulled together the strength to step out of the car herself when he pulled the door open.

  It wasn’t big. In fact, it was just the right size. The yard wouldn’t take that long to work, and the porch had just enough space to put some potted plants on it in the spring.

  “I moved on it because it’s an end unit. I don’t mind sharing one wall, but I need some space.”

  “Yeah. I understand that.”

  He unlocked the door and then pushed it open. He waited for her to step over the threshold. She hesitated for a second, then entered the house. It was beautiful of course. The wooden floor gleamed, and the pale gold paint warmed the room.

  “This is the living room. I figured I could put my TV over the fireplace. I can toss out my couch in favor of yours.”

  That stopped her.

  “What did you just say?”

  His expression blanked. “What?”

  “You just said that you could use my couch. I’m not moving in with you.”

  He sighed. “Okay, I wasn’t planning on springing this on you right now.”

  Dread filled her stomach as the dinner she had just eaten started to sour. “What were you planning on springing on me, Mal.”

  “That we could move in together. I know that you have a few more months left on your apartment, but then we could get you moved over here.”

  “No.”

  “What?”

  “No.”

  He smiled. “I don’t mean now.”

  “It doesn’t matter when. It will always be no.”

  His smile faded. “I thought—“

  She shook her head. “You thought wrong.”

  He studied her for a second. She knew she probably looked madder than a pissed off hornet. But she needed to get out of there before she freaked out. Well, before he knew she was freaking out.

  "What is it you think we're doing here together?"

  She stared at him, wondering at the tone.

  "We're seeing each other."

  She could tell that he wasn't happy with her answer. She didn't understand his issue.

  "So, we're just playing around? No commitment."

  Her heart was starting to sink. That was what she wanted. Why did the thought of not having forever with Malachai seem wrong now? She had been ready to walk away at the end of the relationship. She couldn’t trust another man with her heart…right?

  "I just told you I'm not marrying again."

  He crossed his arms over his chest. "That's stupid."

  "Don't you call me stupid. I'm not stupid."

  He paused for a second, probably because she sounded like she was ready to kill. That and she was shrieking now.

  "I didn't say you were stupid. I said that idea was stupid. I don't know why you're letting what happened with Kyle color your feelings toward marriage."

  The word had panic clogging her throat. "Marriage?" she asked, her voice hoarse even to her own ears. Why did he keep using that word or insisting they were going to get married? They weren’t. And for some reason, that thought didn’t make her as happy as it had before.

  "Yeah. You didn't think I would mess around with a woman like you and it not be something serious."

  "It can be serious. I just don't want to get married."

  "Again, I say that's stupid. Just because you lost one man doesn't mean you'll lose me."

  She blinked at him. "Really? You think this is about his death?"

  "What else could it be?"

  She drew in a deep breath, and for the first time ever, she admitted out loud just what her problem was.

  "It had more to do with the way he lived."

  "What?"

  She didn’t want to do this, to be the one to tell him. It was odd that it was more to protect Mal’s feelings than the honor of her husband. But she knew he wouldn’t be happy without an explanation.

  "Your friend, the guy you said you could count on, was a fucking cheater."

  For a moment, Mal said nothing. "Explain."

  Most women would get pissed at his tone, but she dealt better with it. She had grown up with it in her house from her brothers and her father. On top of it, if he was sweet, she would never be able to get everything out, to tell him just what a disaster her marriage was.

  "So, you think I had some kind of great love story. It wasn't. It was sad and it was pathetic. The man couldn't stay faithful for even two weeks from what I found out."

  "You seemed so happy."

  And that made her sad. Because at first, she had been so happy, so full of excitement for their future. Kyle had ruined that, ruined any chances she had at believing she could have forever with a man.

  "Oh Mal, things are never as they seem."

  He said nothing, and she scrubbed her hands over her face. "Okay, I'll tell you. I might as well. Someone else should know what a bastard that man was."

  "He was in love with you."

  "Yeah, you would think that, right? The man was such a romantic, right?” She asked but didn’t expect an answer. “He always struck those wonderful cords, making sure that I knew he cared for me. But apparently, it was an act. He couldn't keep it in his pants. When I got the first credit card bill when you were deployed on that last mission, well, I was pissed. I mean, he hadn't sent me flowers, and I know damned well I hadn't gone to New York with him. Okay, so truthfully, I wanted to believe that it was a glitch. Like the other bills that he had explained away. But when he died, I had to face the truth.”

  “I can’t believe it. I knew him.”

  She looked over her shoulder at him. Her heart hurt when she saw the expression on his face. For Se
als, they thought of themselves as family. Finding this out for him was probably more like finding out his brother was a bastard who cheated. Well, she was sick of pretending.

  "Your friend was a slut, or at least the male version of it. For some reason, I could never really get excited about going to bed with him, and the last time I talked to him, he blamed me. Me. So it was my fault he went looking for women. That he cheated. After he died, I figured I would just walk away and be whole at some point, but then the rest of the bills started coming in." He opened his mouth to interrupt her, but she stopped him with a shake of her head. "If you stop me, I'll never finish.”

  He hesitated, then nodded.

  “So, there I was having to hear what a great guy he was when I was paying off his debt...paying for the fact with not only my money, but my heart. Every week brought something more horrible. I was lucky, seriously. I was worried there would be something that I couldn't pay. That a bill would come in and I would have to go take out a loan, or worse, go to my parents and have to explain to them why I didn't have the money to pay it and what it was."

  She couldn't stop the tears that were burning the backs of her eyes. But she blinked them away. She refused to cry over the cheating bastard again.

  "I am not the marrying type. See, I couldn't keep him faithful. I know what everyone will say, but you don't know every bit of my background. I have never in my life had a man stay faithful to me. Not for an extended period of time. They all cheat. There is something broken in me. I will not be married again. I will not tie myself to a man who will just end up leaving me at some point because I can't give him what he needs."

  "But you give me what I need. You're everything I want. When a Dupree marries, they marry for life."

  Oh God, that sounded wonderful. And she didn’t doubt it. She had seen his brother with his wife and baby, along with Shannon and Kade. But…she would ruin that. If they married, she was sure something she did would ruin it. And while he would be faithful, he wouldn’t be happy. Amanda couldn’t live with herself if she made him unhappy. In her head she knew it was stupid, but she had to listen to her heart.